Dream of me being dead

I do not remember how I died, but I remember that I was in heaven and I knew that I was dead. My wife was with me even though she was not dead and I knew she wasn't dead. I fealt very at ease, peaceful, happy. My wife led me in to this restraunt type bar and we went to sit at the bar. They were playing some kind of music, I can't remember what kind, but it was a kind that I do not mind listening to. I asked the bar tender "If this is my death, how come you are not playing rock music when that is my favorite kind of music?" She said " I know, but you do also like this music." It made me feel good about the answer. There was another man, and two women that I knew, although I can't remember who they were. My wife looks at me and says that it is time to go to bed. We went in to this room that we shared we these three other people. I asked why do we have to share the room. They said to me that we should talk in a room called the cell so "they can't here us talk". All this time I felt good, but then when we were in this "cell", I asked if we could look down at life on earth from here. They said yes and at that point I was watching a plane crash on water that had my wife, her mother and grandmother, and my daughter. They were all okay and were standing on a pier looking out in to the ocean. They were going somewhere to try and get my wifes mind off my death. I floated down to there side where I came up to my wife's grandmother first and gave her a kiss on the cheek. I then moved to my mother in-law where I did the same. As I moved to my wife, i could here my mother in-law and wife's grandmother tell each other that they felt someone kiss them. I kissed my wife and then moved to my daughter. I looked in her eyes and she was trying so hard not to cry, it was as if she could see me. At that moment I felt so sad and could feel her pain. I was leaving her without a Dad and confusion as to what her life was going to be without me . I could feel her feelings as to her losing her real Mom and now her Dad. It hurt so bad and All I could do was cry. The peaceful feeling left my body, and now I felt nothing but complete sadness. I woke up crying uncontrollably. I cry right now writing this as I think about the sadness in my daughters face. I know I am alive, but how sad that feeling was. It keeps repeating in my head and all I want to do is cry.Please God let my kids be at an age where they can understand death before you take me with you. No matter how peaceful heaven is I could never be happy leaving my kids at a young age. I do not know how to interpret this dream if there is an interpretation at all.

Ex-brother in-law

I wrote this poem about my brother in-law a couple of years ago. These words just kept coming in to my head as I thought about him. He sits in prison right now for the next six years. No matter how many chances he was given by his family, friends, and even the government, he always felt like everyone owed him something.
Why Am I
I walk along the empty crossroads
looking for a ride
I ask the driver a puestion
will it be greed or will it be life
Who am I
I am that man
I am cold dark and a thief
I have took innocence and showed it better ways
my ways
but shall I speak of the end of those roads
I will stay silent
I cry for love
yet I am rejected
Why? I ask myself
for I am that man that is despised by the world
as much as I see what is right for me
through torture and torment
I know what is right for me
yet each time poison is presented
I am the first to sip
I thought I was a brother, a son, a friend
I am that man

Death

Life is such an interesting ride with all the ups and downs that it has. There is always something new after every turn and those somethings can be very depressing or very enjoyable. No matter what it is, we only go through life once, and even no some people believe in reincarnation, you can only remember life once so there is not much of a difference in saying you only live life once. There might be times in life that certain things happen that make us not want to go on any further, but this is where we must learn that no matter what, we cannot bring those people or situations back to make a different choice. What is it about death that makes us feel so depressed? I understand that it really hurts when it is someone in our family or even our own child, especially when it is a very tragic death, but could it be a test to see how we will follow from this situation? People say that these certain situations are a test from God. Well I say that if ithis is true, then God is fucked up. understand that death can change someone for the good, but if that was the case, why didn't God just get rid of the bad?